Adventures on the town the story

We had all decided to go out on the town and just have a ball getting dressed up and going to all the bars that we wanted to. Sarah John, Anna, and myself went out to dinner first and decided on a Italian place and then went to Their house to get ready and wait for the rest of the gang. The four of us got into costume Sarah was a cop from the hottie patrol and John was an escaped prisoner from a mental ward. I was a old time sheriff and Anna was a saloon girl (she looked real good) and got the sad news that since Peter (Sarah's little brother) was just finishing up his last 12 hour shift he was not going to go with us. Well since Peter and Katie rent the apartment under Sarah, from Sarah, Anna went down there and convinced them to go with us. They came up and Cosmo's started to fly along with Grey Goose and Cranberries for a certain sheriff. Eric and Trish showed up and they were not in costume, What the Hell? Peter and Katie showed up and they weren't in costume, What The? We called Kirsten and she was going to meet us at the University of Alaska campus bar called the Pup.

We all rallied at the parking lot and went to the pub and to our delight people were dressed in costume. We all converged on the bar an I was surprised to see how packed it was I went to the back and wondered why it was dark and noticed some people reading poetry and thought that it would be interesting. Then I heard what was being read and looked at the flyer on the table. It was dead poetry night all encouraged to dress like their favorite poet (cool!) and tonight's topic was Gay and lesbian poetry. Now I am all for alternative life style's but I was caught off guard when the particular female on the stage was describing her face and how it looked like she was eating fried chicken and smelled like Seward's docks (a fishery). I think that my jaw hit the table. Then I noticed Anna coming straight at me and giving me a kiss. She told me that she had just been hit on and someone took a picture of her in the bathroom after washing her hands. The girl had asked her to sign a waiver so she could publish a picture of Anna in a UAF publication, later found out it was the UAF gay pride newspaper, then told Anna how pretty she was. This particular Woman had a mullet that would have put Joe Dirt to shame, And I just sit back and watch Andy, who is in the Army, slowly start to realize where he is and what is going on. He took it in great stride and we actually had a great time but decided to go to the Marlin, another college bar down the street, to see what they had to offer.

Trish and Eric had to bail so we all piled into the Mini van and hit the Marlin, It was a costume ball and the beer was cheap (Silver Gulch) and the live band was awesome. Could have something to do with the lead singer wearing nothing on top but 2 pieces of duct tape. Then in walks a 6 foot 7 inch man. Normally one would think wow he is big and go on, but this particular butch man was dressed in drag. Not only in drag but Rupaul drag and of all the intricate detail he put into this costume he forgot one thing. DEODORANT! He smelled the place up so bad I thought that perhaps the swear was backed up. I had to go to the bathroom and walked in while John was standing guard because Andy had said that the door did not lock. I got out and wondered why Rupaul was staring me down while slowly coming towards me. I started to hold my breath so as not to pass out, and John comes out really quickly laughing at me. "Hey Scott did you see the urinal?" No why "Because there isn't one that was the girls bathroom" Crap now I got a near seven foot drag queen stalking me and I got to walk past it to get to my group but mainly my wife. Just then Peter walked bye and I put him in between us and run to my wife. The band was jamming and actually really good but we had more bars to go to so we decided on The Midnight Mine as the next destination.

The Mine has a special place n my heart as I use to Tend Bar there and while in the military it was a home to many of my friends and we all know the owner fairly well. We pulled into the parking lot and see a huge sign. NO MILITARY WELCOME. What the heck is this about. I know that people have differing opinions about the war in Iraq and about our buffoon, er I mean our president, but to ostracize a complete group I could not believe it we were kicked out because one of our members in our party was in the military. To me this was just horrible as I am a veteran and would never imagine this in my life. We did not even get out of our car.

Next was the barracuda formally known as the Greyhound. I didn't want to go to this bar but some did so what the heck. Upon arriving and watching the bouncers almost strip search some patrons a memory is recalled. One of the police officers that I work with at the ER had told me about this new bar that was really rough and equated it to a slaughter house by the amount of blood on the floor most nights. Great this fell on deaf ears as Sarah and Anna heard hip hop and dance music. That is until they refuse to let Andy in since he was wearing a costume and when Andy asked the bouncer why he was wearing a hat, the bouncer replied cause it is a part of a costume got any other smart ass questions? Andy at that point said "I am not going in there" After stepping in to the club and already paying the cover another bouncer approaches me and said "You gots to get rid of those guns"
Me: "Are you serious?"
"Yup we can't have no guns in here it is policy"
Me: "But these are plastic and Really cheap listen(I tapped them and they rattle) if I do that any harder they will shatter, and why didn't the door man tell me this"
"Don't' matter are we going to have a problem or are you going to get rid of them?"
Me: "My wife is in the bathroom can I just wait for her?
Now another bouncer who is just as big as my son comes over and tries to puff himself up
"There a problem here"
Me: "Are you kidding Wee Man"
"What"
At that point I see that the qualifications for the position of bouncer is a IQ less than 80 and an affinity towards violence, and with more bars to go to I decided to tell the others to inform my wife that I am going to be in the car with my wife and that I never wanted to be here in the first place and walk out. Not even 5 minutes later everyone comes out and we head to the Spur.

The Spur was packed and we ran into a great friend of mine named John Linnell and Anna and I danced and drank. Everyone had a couple of drinks but this place was so packed it was not fun. We could not all stand together never mind finding a table. We all decided to go to the Big I, because we had never been there and it was on the way home for Peter and Katie and they were tired. Sarah ran in to go to the bathroom and in a move that would do run way models proud she was running out in another costume that was the same as Johns. She would just be more comfortable going there in that costume.

The Big I was defiantly a local place that an older crowd goes to but also a place where the younger crowd meets before going to another destination. We ended up running into Bobby and Kelly and they were dressed as Napoleon Dynamite and Deb, they were absolutely hilarious we had a blast but the most memorable thing about this bar was as we were leaving Some guy flips out and thinks that Sarah and Johns costume is the best it was as we were walking away that I heard him say "Man that reminds me of my stint at API (Alaska Psych Institute) Great ending to a great night