Wishing upon the diaper Genie (part3)

During the first few weeks after finding out we were pregnant my wife glowed. All of my imperfections were met with a smile and a giggle. I began to think about having a child and began to get excited about the fact. I ran out and bought every book I could find on fatherhood and motherhood. (In today’s society one must be well versed in all aspects of parenting) I immersed myself in every book I bought. I listened to all the stories I could hear from other parents. I talked at great lengths with my parents. My wife began to use words and phrases that were foreign to me such as how long an infant should be in a bassinet, and wet wipe warmers, and there is such a thing as a diaper genie that much to my embarrassment is not a mythical creature that grants wishes. Soon my wife began to awake at all hours of the night. . I think that women’s bodies secretly prepare us for babies by the way their bodies act in the first trimester. One way is getting the father use to vomit and throw up. People always told me how bad morning sickness is. I did not have a problem with it at all and it sounded as though my wife was ok as I listened to her vomit her shoes into the commode. I never have seen someone get sick from watching a commercial. It happens, out went the Rubens that I have long had an infatuation with. Anything having a slight odor was at the point banished from anywhere we lived, occupied, or traveled in. Another way to prepare the husband is by eating all the time. In our pregnancy cravings came very early. The one thing my wife craved her entire pregnancy was Tai food from a specific restaurant. Green curry with chicken was her specific vice and that vice through her entire term would cost me upwards of $5,000. She ate it for lunch and dinner 5 times a week. Soon cravings for other foods came along. She never craved junk food but “real food” as she calls it was her vice. Beware the rib that happened to be near my wife in the first 3 months or the plate of chicken that crossed her path. She ate all the time and drank water and juice by liters at a time. We went to the grocery store and in the same aisle she would become nausea’s and then ravenous. I have never seen her start eating a bag of cherries and finish the bag before leaving the produce section. Soon another slow phase to prepare the father came in the form of her sleeping. She would lie down on the couch and sleep for 20 hours wake up and then go to bed. The car seemed as though it was a sedative. She would barely buckle her seat belt and her neck would start to do the head bob on a pole. Her body then would start to unregulated itself. Maybe all the sleep short wired her thermostat but all of a sudden she couldn’t get cold enough or warm enough. We live in Fairbanks Alaska, and in the winter it can get down to 50 below 0. My wife is sweating and trying to open the window at -30! Then in the next breath talking about how cold she is. My trucks thermostat never stayed in the same position longer than 5 minutes. My sons and I would see our breath one minute and then start to sweat the next