The first attrition of the war

"Reluctantly crouched at the starting line,Engines pumping and thumping in time.The green light flashes, the flags goes up,Churning and burning, they yearn for the cup.

They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank,Fuel burning fast on an empty tank, Wreckless and wild they pour through the turns, Their prowess is potent and secretly stern.

As they speed through the finish, the flags go down.The fans get up, and get out of town.The arena is empty except for one man,Still driving and striving as fast as he can" -Lyrics to "Going the Distance" by CAKE

This is what I listen to before and during the torture (aka workout) It gets me pumped and ready to kill myself (aka exercise). I decided that I would try and swim since I have been talking about it for the past month and bought new goggles (Speedo's, Brooks doesn't make them) and Anna has been making fun of me. Now for a little history on me and swimming

I was on the swimming team growing up. Both Eric and I took to water at a young age and although we never got to the point of swimming year round we both got pretty good. I remember starting practice at 6 in the morning until 9 in the morning. I got to the point where I was better than most and I knew it. We would swim LONG distances to islands and boats, Or in Guam to the reef and such.

Naturally I thought that I would jump in and go back to my 17 year old training regimen. First I go to the Student Rec Center(SRC) I get into my bathing suit grab my towel and try and go to the pool. I try the first door and it goes to the ice rink, (I do not think that they freeze it for the UAF practices) So I go out to the front desk and ask them where the pool is.
ME: Excuse me where is the pool
Little twit(LT) : the what?
Me: The pool
LT: Not here
Me: Can you give me directions?
LT: Sure you go out the door go past the Patty center that is the ice rink, Go up the stairs and then down the stairs and you will be at the locker room
Me: Thanks(Crap I have to walk all the way back to the locker room carrying a towel)
LT: I think that you should change before you go outside
ME: Thanks and how do you plan on solving world hunger

That left her with a blank stare and me to my walk of shame. I then hop into the car and head over to the pool building. Go down the stairs into the dungeon and get changed head over to the showers and get lost trying to find the pool. I finally get out to the pool and Little twit has her two clones that are pulling life guard duty. These two combined couldn't pull my rotund derriere out of the pool with a winch and pulley. I walk past them and unceremoniously take the towel off, hurry and jump/fall into the pool. I figure that I will make up for my clumsy back flop by my precision stroke and figure what the heck I will start off with free style. At the end of the first lap I decide to do a normal flip turn, I count out my old number of strokes, flip, Crap that was harder than I remember, crap I am to far away from the wall to push off, crap I just turn over and swim in the other direction and swim. About half way through the 2nd lap I start to get tired, I can't be tired yet I use to swim for hours, I get through and I am panting, Sweating(thank god I am wet in a pool), and coming to the realization that I am really out of shape. Round 2 I try freestyle again because I am afraid of butterfly now. I start to wheeze when trying to breath. I do not realize this until I hear myself while taking a breath. Try if you will to imagine a cross between a seals bark and a train whistle, that times 10 echoed and reverberated around the pool. When I finish the people that were swimming had stopped and the LT clones were staring at me. I (Foolishly) hurried and started more laps so as not to see them staring at me. I decide on Breast since that was my best and I figure it as my stand by. Half way through the first lap I realize 45 minutes is going to take hours!!!! I finish my 45 minutes and I stand up and realize the LT clones are still chatting. The person in the next lane had a kick board that was a little heavy. I look around notice my t shirt on the back wall, Look at the door, look at the kick board look at the clones deep in conversation, Grab the kick board, throw the kick board (haven't lost any strength in my arms, and am actually stronger), Kick board hits very far wall, LT clones go to investigate, I get out of pool and do mad dash to hide my shame and leave my shirt, I chalk it up to my first of many attrition's to the war on getting fit. After I get dressed lace up my Brooks and peek my head out the door to make sure the clones are not waiting I realize the engineer to this is a sick son of a b*&ch! I have got to walk up stairs then down them. I HATE GETTING INTO SHAPE!

I didn't like that shirt anyway!
DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!!